If you haven’t had a lot of success with women in your life so far, now is the time to take charge of the situation and make some changes. Meeting women, interacting with them and dating them successfully all comes down to a combination of your mindset and the skills that you have, to make yourself attractive and interesting to women.
Attraction between men and women is a completely natural thing. The problem for guys who struggle with women is that we get in our own way by repeating ineffective behaviours in our interactions with women that kill this natural attraction. After a while, we conclude that there’s something wrong with us, or that the women we’re interested in just aren’t attracted to us; when in fact, success is simply a matter of replacing the ineffective behaviours with those that are more likely to get us positive results. Often the reason we haven’t done this yet is that we didn’t have a good role-model to teach us what works, and what doesn’t; and we end up doing what doesn’t work over and over again.
By far the biggest killer of attraction for a woman is neediness. Whether it be social neediness, emotional neediness or sexual neediness; any of these are a huge turn-off for women. Trying to make a woman like you is an instant recipe for failure because it’s just exhibiting your social neediness. Rather than worrying about what she thinks of you, focus on how you can provide value for her in this interaction by making it fun and engaging for her. Emotional or sexual neediness will both kill any sexual tension, and make you come across as just another desperate guy who either wants a surrogate mother, or wants to use her for sex. Or both. Women have a radar for guys like that, and it just ain’t appealing to them.
If you can hold a conversation that’s not focused on meeting your social needs, but is enjoyable and engaging for her, she’ll end up being interested and attracted to you. Once you learn to get good at this, you’ll find all your social interactions with women becoming more enjoyable. Attraction for us guys tends to happen immediately based on looks, whereas for a woman attraction takes time to develop and is much more about social engagement and feeling comfortable around you. If you’re needy and stressed out when talking to a woman, that’s going to make her uncomfortable and be massively un-attractive to her.
The surest way to overcome neediness is to have a well-rounded, interesting life of your own, with a wide social circle. Having a wide range of interests and hobbies that you engage in not only makes your life more enjoyable, it also makes you a more well-rounded man. And this makes you much more attractive to women. It takes the pressure off you because the outcome of any particular social interaction with a woman is unimportant: no matter how it goes, you have a great life to fall back on anyway. Without this pressure, you can be more fun and engaging in your interactions.
Another sure-fire attraction-killer is putting the woman on a pedestal. The more attractive the woman, the more likely it is that she’s besieged by guys all of whom are trying to get into her pants by sucking up to her all the time, or trying to get her to like them so she can be a trophy on their arm. Attractive women know this, and it pisses them off. Being on a pedestal all the time might sound like fun to you, but to her, it’s a pain in the ass.
Women want guys who they can relate to, and they can’t relate to you if you’ve put yourself 3 feet down below them in social status. Regardless of their looks, you need to treat women as your equal if you want them to be attracted to you. The best way to knock a woman off the pedestal that you keep putting her on is to tease her. Teasing is the basis of all flirting, and is a fun and engaging way to connect with a woman. If you were on the wrong end of hurtful teasing as a kid, this isn’t going to feel natural at first; but we’re not kids any more and playful teasing really does work positively with adult women. Once you start teasing a woman playfully, she’ll begin responding to you in a totally different way, and conversations that once seemed like a terror-inducing nightmare for you will turn into fun for both of you.
You need to be prepared to lose the woman you’re talking to, if you want to really create some powerful attraction between you. If you’re always playing it safe because you don’t like offending people, you’re just exhibiting more social neediness and end up pandering to the lowest common denominator. This means you’ll never stand out from the crowd; and women want guys who are unique that are prepared to stand out from the crowd. Women aren’t as easily offended as you may have been led to believe, and will often react with laughter or mock shock if you say something mildly offensive in a joking or playful manner. Don’t be a jerk, but be prepared to risk losing the occasional woman who doesn’t resonate with your sense of humour, rather than scaling everything you say back to the most conservative. You’ll find yourself attracting many more women this way; and you wouldn’t have gotten on well with the women you lose anyway.
While women may not be as visually oriented as men when it comes to attraction, the clothes and shoes that you wear still create the first impression she gets of you. If you’re still wearing the sort of clothes that your mother dressed you in, you probably need a wardrobe makeover. Get yourself into one of those trendy clothing stores that you don’t normally visit which are staffed by women, and ask a sales assistant to deck you out in a new outfit that she likes. Or take a female friend with some fashion sense with you, and tell her to be really honest with you. Don’t worry whether you like the result; it’s probably not what you’re used to wearing, but it will grow on you. “Clothes maketh the man”, and if you want women to give you a second glace so you can engage them with your witty repartee, you need to make sure that you’re not repelling women with what you’re wearing. You’ll probably have to spend twice what you’re used to in order to do this, but consider that this is still only a fraction of the cost and effort that the women you’re interested in are going to in order to look nice for you.
I’ve only touched on the tip of the iceberg here. There’s a whole lot more in terms of mindset changes to make, practical steps you can take, hobbies to experience, things to do and places to go to meet and attract more and better quality women in my ebook on How to Become a Chick Magnet. Grab a copy if you want to start having the success with women that you deserve!
