This is one of the biggest issues I’ve struggled with in my life, arising as a chronic fear of what other people thought. As a result, in the past I always dressed conservatively and had a conservative hairstyle. This was dreadful as far as attracting and relating to women went.

A big breakthrough for me came a couple of years ago when a stage production I was in gave me an excuse to dye my hair blonde. Getting over the fear of what other people would think and say when I showed up with blonde hair was a big step for me at the time. And the more I’ve gone down the path of overcoming self-consciousness, the more I’ve found women both comfortable around me, and attracted to me.

Last month I decided to quit shaving and grow a beard. Never done that before. Hey, why not? Some people like it, some people don’t like it. One girl friend said it made me look more manly because I have a boyish face. Another didn’t want to kiss me and said I should get rid of it.

It turns out that whatever you do, some people will approve and some will not. Freedom comes when we get over needing the approval of the nay-sayers and just do what comes naturally. The way to get over this is to try something new as an experiment, and then find we can deal with the people who tell us they don’t like it. Something like going blonde, growing a beard, or shaving your head is the easiest way I know to make a sudden shift in our perspective, without going through hours of therapy, meditation or reading heaps of self-help books; good though all that stuff is.

The Leukaemia Foundation are currently holding a fundraising event called The World’s Greatest Shave which is the perfect excuse for shaving your head for the first time. I’ve signed up, and I recommend that you join my team by clicking here. Women are always saying that they like a guy with “confidence”, but often we struggle to work out how to get it. This is the easiest confidence-booster I know, and I’ve tried a lot of things! It’s fun, and you’re bound to have a breakthrough or two when you do something you wouldn’t normally, and the women of the world start seeing you in a new light.

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Check out this SlideShare presentation with some great tips on attracting women. It’s even got an audio track so you can sit back and listen to some awesome secrets that will help make you more successful with the ladies:

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1. Secrets to Attracting Women Naturally

So I sent Stan a copy of How to Become a Chick Magnet as his birthday present, and to be honest, even I have been amazed at what this guy has been up to since then. In short, he’s taking massive action, and already getting incredible results.

Flicking quickly through the program in the book, Stan is already well into implementing Steps 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9 and Skills 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 13. It’s incredible. The program is deliberately ordered so you take the Steps and learn the Skills that make the biggest difference first. And that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s even doing some stuff I’d never thought of, that I’ll have to put in the next edition. The man’s a machine!

And what do you know… this stuff really works. He’s already finding that women are drawn to him now. He’s not desperate any more. He’s more approachable. He’s doing what he wants and becoming a better man, on his terms. He’s no longer expecting women to make him happy; he’s making himself happy. And the result? Women at work, at dancing, at gigs he plays; they’re all taking an interest in him now, where they weren’t before.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that to get anywhere with anything, you need to take action. That’s the only way to achieve results. Nobody is going to do this for you. Women are attracted to men who act, even in the face of doubt and uncertainty. We need to learn what action to take to get the result we want, and then get off our proverbial behinds, get out there and take it.

I can’t wait to hear from Stan again to see what he’s up to next, and how he’s doing. It’s inspiring. This stuff is just awesome. If you want to start having the success that Stan’s having, start taking action by grabbing the book and getting out there. I can’t wait to hear how you go!

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1. Give Yourself Credit

Attraction between men and women is a completely natural thing. The problem for guys who struggle with women is that we get in our own way by repeating ineffective behaviours in our interactions with women that kill this natural attraction. After a while, we conclude that there’s something wrong with us, or that the women we’re interested in just aren’t attracted to us; when in fact, success is simply a matter of replacing the ineffective behaviours with those that are more likely to get us positive results. Often the reason we haven’t done this yet is that we didn’t have a good role-model to teach us what works, and what doesn’t; and we end up doing what doesn’t work over and over again.

By far the biggest killer of attraction for a woman is neediness. Whether it be social neediness, emotional neediness or sexual neediness; any of these are a huge turn-off for women. Trying to make a woman like you is an instant recipe for failure because it’s just exhibiting your social neediness. Rather than worrying about what she thinks of you, focus on how you can provide value for her in this interaction by making it fun and engaging for her. Emotional or sexual neediness will both kill any sexual tension, and make you come across as just another desperate guy who either wants a surrogate mother, or wants to use her for sex. Or both. Women have a radar for guys like that, and it just ain’t appealing to them.

If you can hold a conversation that’s not focused on meeting your social needs, but is enjoyable and engaging for her, she’ll end up being interested and attracted to you. Once you learn to get good at this, you’ll find all your social interactions with women becoming more enjoyable. Attraction for us guys tends to happen immediately based on looks, whereas for a woman attraction takes time to develop and is much more about social engagement and feeling comfortable around you. If you’re needy and stressed out when talking to a woman, that’s going to make her uncomfortable and be massively un-attractive to her.

The surest way to overcome neediness is to have a well-rounded, interesting life of your own, with a wide social circle. Having a wide range of interests and hobbies that you engage in not only makes your life more enjoyable, it also makes you a more well-rounded man. And this makes you much more attractive to women. It takes the pressure off you because the outcome of any particular social interaction with a woman is unimportant: no matter how it goes, you have a great life to fall back on anyway. Without this pressure, you can be more fun and engaging in your interactions.

Another sure-fire attraction-killer is putting the woman on a pedestal. The more attractive the woman, the more likely it is that she’s besieged by guys all of whom are trying to get into her pants by sucking up to her all the time, or trying to get her to like them so she can be a trophy on their arm. Attractive women know this, and it pisses them off. Being on a pedestal all the time might sound like fun to you, but to her, it’s a pain in the ass.

Women want guys who they can relate to, and they can’t relate to you if you’ve put yourself 3 feet down below them in social status. Regardless of their looks, you need to treat women as your equal if you want them to be attracted to you. The best way to knock a woman off the pedestal that you keep putting her on is to tease her. Teasing is the basis of all flirting, and is a fun and engaging way to connect with a woman. If you were on the wrong end of hurtful teasing as a kid, this isn’t going to feel natural at first; but we’re not kids any more and playful teasing really does work positively with adult women. Once you start teasing a woman playfully, she’ll begin responding to you in a totally different way, and conversations that once seemed like a terror-inducing nightmare for you will turn into fun for both of you.

You need to be prepared to lose the woman you’re talking to, if you want to really create some powerful attraction between you. If you’re always playing it safe because you don’t like offending people, you’re just exhibiting more social neediness and end up pandering to the lowest common denominator. This means you’ll never stand out from the crowd; and women want guys who are unique that are prepared to stand out from the crowd. Women aren’t as easily offended as you may have been led to believe, and will often react with laughter or mock shock if you say something mildly offensive in a joking or playful manner. Don’t be a jerk, but be prepared to risk losing the occasional woman who doesn’t resonate with your sense of humour, rather than scaling everything you say back to the most conservative. You’ll find yourself attracting many more women this way; and you wouldn’t have gotten on well with the women you lose anyway.

While women may not be as visually oriented as men when it comes to attraction, the clothes and shoes that you wear still create the first impression she gets of you. If you’re still wearing the sort of clothes that your mother dressed you in, you probably need a wardrobe makeover. Get yourself into one of those trendy clothing stores that you don’t normally visit which are staffed by women, and ask a sales assistant to deck you out in a new outfit that she likes. Or take a female friend with some fashion sense with you, and tell her to be really honest with you. Don’t worry whether you like the result; it’s probably not what you’re used to wearing, but it will grow on you. “Clothes maketh the man”, and if you want women to give you a second glace so you can engage them with your witty repartee, you need to make sure that you’re not repelling women with what you’re wearing. You’ll probably have to spend twice what you’re used to in order to do this, but consider that this is still only a fraction of the cost and effort that the women you’re interested in are going to in order to look nice for you.

I’ve only touched on the tip of the iceberg here. There’s a whole lot more in terms of mindset changes to make, practical steps you can take, hobbies to experience, things to do and places to go to meet and attract more and better quality women in my ebook on How to Become a Chick Magnet. Grab a copy if you want to start having the success with women that you deserve!

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